Bottom line: he’s just a kid. She’s an adult and should have known better. That’s really what it comes down to for me in the story of the Tennessee woman who adopted a 7-year-old boy from Russia then sent him back on the plane alone after six months because she couldn’t handle him. There has been much online finger-pointing in this case. Blame can be shared all around. But ultimately, this woman broke her promise to raise that child.
Photo: Daily Mail
It’s been just over a week since we first heard the story and all we know for sure is that Artyom Savelyev (re-named Justin Hansen) flew unaccompanied from Washington, DC to Moscow, was picked up by a Russian driver hired online and transported to Russian authorities. In his backpack he carried a letter from 33-year-old single nurse and adoptive mother Torry Hansen, who wrote, “This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues…After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child.”
The obvious questions arise: How could you send a 7-year-old on a plane by himself with only the uncertain arrangement of a stranger waiting on the other end? You knew the boy had spent years with an alcoholic mother and in a foster home – how could you not think he would have some emotional baggage even if the adoption agency didn’t tell you? When he started having problems who did you contact to help before returning him like a faulty product?
We don’t know the answers to these questions because so far Torry Hansen isn’t talking, to media, state officials or the police who are still trying to decide if they can charge her with anything.
Russia has suspended adoptions to the US, leaving hundreds of families in limbo. Meanwhile, there’s a great debate over Hansen’s actions. Here’s an excerpt from the blog Double Happiness, written by an adoptive mother of two girls from China.
“A boy, age 7, is not a baby. At age seven, most children understand the difference between right and wrong but still need lots of guidance. How do you punish a boy who has nothing he cherishes? If he physically threatens you or your other children, what is your recourse? How do you keep your family safe today?”
Torry Hansen’s mother told the Associated Press that Artyom yelled and screamed and threatened to burn down the house. Scary? Yes. But in this case I refute the assertion by Double Happiness blogger that 7-year-old Artyom should have known better.
I have regular discussions with local moms about the emotional health of our own children who engage in tantrums, obstinance, yelling, name calling and more. Did you know that perfectly “normal” four- and five-year-olds will hit, kick, bite, pinch, and throw stuff at their moms, all while slamming doors and yelling things like, “Mean Mommy,” “Worst Mommy in the world,” “I don’t like you,” or even, “I’m going to chop your head off!” Yes, these are all real situations that have happened recently to me and my neighbors.
These aren’t abused or neglected children. Experts say that this is part of normal emotional development as children figure out the world and their place in it. I say it’s not surprising that Artyom is acting like a 5-year-old. His circumstances likely stalled his development.
Hansen may also have put unrealistic expectations on a boy who had never experienced stability and now found himself in a new country. “A person entering another culture has to learn all new rules, a new language. The food is different. The climate is different. Expectations in the home can be very different,” child psychiatrist Dr. Lynna Hollis told Tennessean.com.
I do agree with another adoptive parent blogger, author of When Rain Hurts, who writes that blame should be shared all around. I believe Torry Hansen has no excuse for not anticipating problems when other parents who have adopted Russian children are already blogging openly about their ordeals. The Russian government should better regulate its orphanages and thoroughly inform adoptive parents. Children and adults should undergo counseling before and after adoption to ensure a smoother transition. US authorities should better track international adoptions to understand what causes them to fail.
Maybe this case will make a difference. Maybe in the future potential adopters will research and better prepare themselves. Maybe Artyom will find a new home with people who have the resources and willpower to stick with him for the long haul. Back in Russia he turned eight the other day – still just a kid.
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